How many times have I looked inside my purse and found the last one of the month? The last ten-dollar bill, sometimes a twenty… more rarely a hundred-dollar bill.
I used to be so good with money. I earned my salary, put some aside, gave out a chunk to friends or charity, paid all the bills, and spent the rest, without worries. When I needed something, I just plunged a hand in my purse, without even looking because I knew there was what I needed and surprises were always good. When an unexpected bill landed in my letter box, I frowned, not because my brain went on overdrive searching for solutions to pay this, but because I simply had not foreseen this expense, nothing more than a mere “Oh, really?”
Now my life is centered around the period stretching between the 25th and the 1st of the next month. This is the time when I start salivating… Money, where are you? Are you coming today? Will you be there tomorrow? Every month, I wonder why I salivate because if I miss to check my bank account on the day when the money is deposited, I don’t get to see my credit with a positive figure… Nope! If I check my online banking the day after, it’s already too late, numbers are flashing in large red ink…. argh!
What happened? How did I get from that nonchalant wage earner to this eager balance-starving person? The answer is as pathetic as I feel: I met two negative men, one after the other. The first one did not work… yet, still searching his path. Unlike me, who started to work very early on to support myself and pay for my studies. I kept up that good habit. I worked, he spent.
After I left him, I met a second parasite. He became my husband. He never worked, despised people who worked. He had a larger plan… which remained a plan for the seventeen years I suffocated in our relationship. I worked, he spent.
Twenty years down the line and my credit score is appalling. There is no way to have better score for as long as I have debts, this is a fact. So, I pay back my debts, one cent at a time, even if it does not make any sense, because the interest is higher than what I can pay back on my present salary. But at least, I am headed in the right direction and I feel good about it. I am not at the end of the tunnel, and quite far from it, but I can sense the light getting closer and closer every day.
I rejoice and I say “Thank you for the money!”