How can I ever get over the misery of my life, the constant scraping for money? The constant worrying when a friend asks “can you pick me up?” and I wonder how I will make the rest of the week on an empty tank. Yet, I say yes, because NO ONE would understand. I live in a country where everyone (else) is wealthy. Poverty does not exist here and, believe it or not, I am poor with five times what my parents earn, combined! I should really move away from here, but, guess what! I can’t afford it.
Still, I get up every day with the fear of opening the letter box, one more bill, one more warning.
Who can live like that? On some days, I accept that this is my life. On other days, I want to push my head above the surface and shout “I can’t live like that, so I will change my life!” Change the odds, this is a fantastic goal, isn’t it?
So, I look around, I see people who are poorer than me. Yes, their bank account might be loaded, they have a big car and a large TV, but they are poor of things money can’t buy.
I, on the other hand, have the happiness ready to re-surface in my heart at any minute of the day. I marvel at the sound of birds in the nearby tree, I marvel at the snow falling at the end of April, I thank God for every instant I spend with my boy. I am ready to feel grateful.
Other days of course, I get swamped by the mourning of my past. This tiny window that opens at times take over my ocean of happiness and drag me in a tsunami of guilt, sadness, failure. A tiny window, which, just like on an airplane, sucks in my entire present into the past.
Oh, it is a daily fight to not let this happen at all! So, I wrote a workbook, to reflect on the actual happiness that IS my life without an abuser, without violence and fear. If you want to share something, fill in the form and I’ll send you the eBook, so that you too, can rejoice for the happiness that IS your life.