Why is it so?
I browse around on the topic of narcissism. There are all kinds of forums. At the time of my “awakening”, these platforms helped me a great deal. I would never have been able to talk to any physical person if I had not done my coming out in the virtual world.
Yet, I read the same story over and over again. It goes like that:
– She tells her story. In her words, I can relate. At times, it is an exact mirrored recollection of my life with a narcissist. Somewhere, it squeezes my stomach. I can’t help it.
– People answer: some totally out of it, you know the type: “see a marriage counsellor, your love can still be saved!”… yuk! Others judge: “if you are so unhappy, why are you staying?” or “If you think he is so bad, why do you keep having kids with him?”… It would be great to see some statistics of how much these comments help the poor soul in search of a reaching hand.
– They she comes back and thanks everyone, and lines up all the reasons why she can’t leave: “don’t want to uproot the kids,” “she has her name on the house lease,” “she needs to save up some money” etc.. Well, you know the reasons because if you have ever been with a narcissist, you too used the exact same excuses. I know I did.
Sometimes, I get tired. The circle keeps on turning. There are the people who don’t understand, and those who understand too well and have no compassion left. I wish everyone would know that a word, a sentence, can do so much.
I remember going to church regularly at the most somber times of my marriage. I looked at Saint Anthony’s face. If you look long enough at something, the lines around it become wavy and the edges become blurry. Hence it gave me the feeling that Saint Anthony was moving, helping me. I was not alone.
Actually, in times of sadness and terror, all that matters is to know we are not alone.