Will it ever go away?

Where has time gone? I have not been here writing about me, myself and I in a very long time. Well, to my defence, it was holiday, and these times of the year are just for relaxing and enjoying family.

Yet, I am back, with a knot in my throat. I feel bad today. It is Sunday, I am on the couch with my so cute puppy beside me, my house is beautiful, all is well, I have nothing to do, still I feel bad.

I have had this nightmare again. It comes lurking in the deepest nights and confuses me. At that time, I don’t know if it is real or not, but I suffocate, I can’t believe the odds that have put me in THAT situation again. What? He is here, he demands, he orders, he imposes, and I am doomed, out of air, and definitely pushed down by some massive force.

Then, somehow, when I am about to completely run out of air, I wake up, in a sweat, panting madly, and I open my eyes in the night, unable to let the feeling of freedom sink in. Yes, I am free, no, he is not here, yes, it was all a dream, no, rather a nightmare. Oh, God, when will it ever go away?

Then the day shows up and I am short-tempered, I am acting as he did in my awful dream. I can’t control myself, everything is a problem to me. No matter how I try to surrender myself to positive vibes, I am strangled by drama, sad emotions and violent feelings. I can’t take it anymore!

Please God, make tomorrow be a better day, or rather make tonight a better night!

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