I read this on a billboard the other day. I love the sentence, it should be the title of my next book. What a great sum-up of my previous relationships with narcissists.
I created a short video to explain how things get into place without the victim being able to do anything about it. When you watch this, and if (by luck!) you have never met a narcissist, you might go crazy and think “well, this Susan girl, a bit stupid, hey!” and you are right. Seeing from the outside and without being caught up in the context, it looks and sounds crazy.
A very important fact is that, when one lives with a narcissist, or is around one of these intoxicating people, time is lacking. He keeps you on your feet all the time, every action is done in a rush. Notice in the video how Susan is just getting over the fact that he asks her (tells her) to live together, when the door rings and her parents are here. Then the craziness unfolds, the marriage, parents over for the week-end in a place where she does not live yet (or has not even decided).
This is a good example of sharing the life of a narcissist. The victim is not given the time to react to the unbelievable news that constantly come crashing down on her like a tsunami on a wooden house. She is kept tense and alert of her attitude, so that she can cover up for the other people she cares about who also get sucked into the spiral.
Once the tornado is over (and many times it has lasted a decade or two), the victim is left powerless. Not only did the acts against her leave scars on her body and mind, but also her status in the world, in our society has been impaired. She needs to recover.
I write books about this. How to set oneself up (even from under the storm) so that the recovery becomes possible, or believable. Some readers (and sadly reviewers) have complained that I do not explain enough what people with NPD are. Well, the truth is, this is not important for me anymore. I rather focus on the victims, on me and you out there, because the person with NPD in our past has had enough glory to last several lifetimes.